#itsTABOO: I'm coming out!

Hot-flashes & sweating
Heart palpitations
Tingling hands
Muscle twitching
Sleepless nights

I didn't really think anything of it. Maybe it was the stress...no biggie. I was strong. I could take it.
But then...I couldn't breathe... 
That's when I got scared. 
Googled my symptoms. 

The internet said I was dying, so I put together my bucket list. 
I couldn't think straight. 
It was terrible. 

My mother finally convinced me to go to the doctor..she was worried. 
Not the normal motherly worry, but the kind that carried a sense of urgency when she spoke. 
I eventually saw my doctor. 
After a barrage of negative test results, I was diagnosed with
...an anxiety disorder

I couldn't believe it. 

I mean.
I'm black.
Black people don't have mental health issues
And we definitely don't go to head-doctors...right?

I mean.
I am a strong black woman.
We are built to withstand...overcome...push thru.
Did this mean I was...weak?

I had so many emotions and thoughts...
First I was confused...then ashamed...then angry because I was ashamed
and now...RESOLVED.

I have resolved to take care of myself and be unapologetic about it
to get whatever help I needed
to lay down my 'superwoman' cape and be easier with myself
by just being Temeika.

And...I have resolved to come out of the shadows of unrealistic expectations and secrets
to not hide this struggle from anyone
to be fully human
and let you see me.

This is real strength...I know it for myself.

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